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March 2nd, 2010 admin Leave a comment Go to comments

Blue Change

Curing the Twentysomething Blues, Part 4

Most people in their 20’s will experience a down season at some point. Call it what you will, the blues, depression, or a lack of motivation, many go through it. It’s a confusing time. How do you cure the twentysomething blues? This series of articles has been tackling that very question.

A series of changes can be made that will work the blues out of us and get us back on the winning side. Change is often perceived as something that is hard to accomplish, but it doesn’t have to be if we break it down into small, easily doable tasks. Change actually happens on many different levels: the environmental level, the behavioral level, the capability level, the belief level, and the identity level. Think of these levels as five concentric circles. Change happens most easily at the outermost circle, the environmental level, and demands a bit more effort as we move toward the core, the identity level. In this article, the fourth in our series, we are dealing with the level of belief.

Our belief system is what forms the world inside our head and determines how we react to the world around us. Beliefs are either empowering or disempowering. Because of this it is very important that we pay attention to the care and feeding of our beliefs. Most of our beliefs we get from others around us. Our parents, siblings, classmates, and coworkers help form our beliefs. Most importantly, we continue to modify them as time goes on.

We live in a world that is constantly trying to put us down. We are told repeatedly what we can and can’t do. Many of these limitations form beliefs in our mind about our capabilities. Society as a whole tries to get us to conform to a certain pattern and that pattern can be very limiting.

Do you ever find yourself wrapped up in some negative thought? This often generates the blues. Negative thinking and self-doubt is so common at this stage of life. What we need are some strategies to help us out of our negative thinking and on to something a bit more positive. There are three steps we can take.

First, we need to become aware of just how deep the problem is. Many of us walk around all day long without realizing that we are constantly reciting some negative mantra in our head. These become self-limiting beliefs that disempower us. So, become aware of just what you are thinking during your day. Take note of the number of times and the kind of negative statements that you are making to yourself. Do you start in with it first thing in the morning? Does it only happen when you are around certain people, or doing certain things? Becoming aware of just how deep the problem is, is one third of the way toward changing this habit.

The next step is to call it what it is, a negative thought. That’s all. It has no power within itself to do anything to you. It’s whether you choose to believe it or not that’s important. Is it true? If it’s true (and it rarely is) can we do something about it so that it will no longer be true? If it’s not true, we need to take the next step.

The third step is to replace it with a corresponding, specific positive thought. Negative thoughts are usually general in nature – thoughts like, “I’m no good.” “I could never do that.” and, “I always fail at whatever I do.” Words like always and never are overgeneralizations that usually make the negative statement false.

The key in the replacement process is to make the positive statement specific. This lodges in the brain better and longer than a general positive statement. So instead of replacing “I’m no good,” with “I’m good,” replace it with a specific like, “I’m really good at making new friends.” As long as the positive statement is true (we don’t want to lie to ourselves) this will attach itself to our thinking much more quickly than some other generalization.

Do this with each negative thought you identify throughout your day. Write down the corresponding, specific positive thought. If you do this for a week you will end up with a list of positive affirmations about who you are and what you are capable of. Say them to yourself out loud each morning, noon, and night. Within days of this practice these statements will become part of your belief system and get you moving on to the winning side of life.

In our next article we will attempt an even deeper level of change, change at the level of our identity. I’ll show you a powerful technique that, when applied, can actually change who we are.

About the Author

Paul Peixoto is president and founder of The Serra Group, Inc., a professional development training company headquartered in the New York metropolitan area. He has 25 years of experience as a professional speaker and coach. The bulk of that time has been spent in the non-profit sector. It was there that he honed his ability to communicate and motivate. Constantly before audiences, Paul has accumulated thousands of platform hours. The result of his effort is that he has coached hundreds of professionals throughout the United States, Europe, and Asia.

As a member of ASTD, and a certified NLP practitioner. he's led 100s of professional development workshops. His clients include Fortune 500 companies like Pfizer, Genentech, and Novartis. With a deep concern for the next generation he has created Quarterlife Jumpstart™ a one-day training event designed to motivate twentysomethings by helping them find their passion, clarify their goals, increase their skills, and take action on their future. He is also creating a workshop for parents entitled: Parenting Through the Quarterlife Crisis. Join his Email list to get news on both workshops!

http://www.twentysomethingliving.com

http://www.twentysomethingparenting.com

http://www.paulpeixoto.com